Monday, January 3, 2011


HAPPY NEW YEAR! I don't know about you, but I have a special resolution for 2011. I am going to set up the weight bench that has been gathering dust in my garage and get this finely tuned machine oiled up and back into lady killing mode....well maybe just one wife, but she's that's as good as two ladies. That's me above conquering the real estate globe with my new ripped body. No photoshop needed.

Once upon a time, when my wife and I first met, I was a colossus of strength. My wife would say my gigantic arm muscles were too big to display in public, but I beg to differ. How does one quell his desire to be vastly superior in every physical realm? God blessed me at that time with veins the size of bamboo shoots and a neck as thick as two bricks bound together with twine. What was I supposed to do? Drape a blanket over myself? No, I will not. I didn't work hard to be modest.

So I aim to get back to that in the year 2011. Jealousy will come, but it is natural and we must show respect for each other as a community. When you see me at the pool, you will stare....and you will say, "Oh my gosh!" and maybe whisper to your friends. I just want the people of Austin to know that God hears you, and he knows. He wiped sweat from his brow when he finished making me....a physical marvel.

I'm sorry. I go off in day dream tangents. I'm 5'11'' and 160 lbs. and to be honest, my wife says I need to wax my chest before I go to the pool or my hair will clog the filters. Whatever! She is exaggerating! My hair is minimal, soft, and beautiful, some say like a Chinchilla.

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