Tragedy Precipitates Growth

It's impossible to try to predict events that occur in your life and the paths you'll be lead down as a result of them. It's all in how you respond to those events that comprise who we are as people. Whether that event was horrible, beautiful, depressing, or wonderful, you keep your head up and move forward regardless. Never forget the past because it helps shape us, but focus on the future and the bright things to come.

As many of my friends, colleagues, and client's know my son Madden passed away a year and a half ago. I received so much support from everyone. Even client's at the time, who were relative strangers extended warm sympathies that I will never forget. Many of them will be friends for life as a result. 

I had never experienced anyone in my life close to me passing away until he left me. I found it unbearable at times, especially when I had to put a smile on my face for work. A month after he passed, my grandmother on my mother's side passed away from pancreatic cancer. She had been fighting for so long and promised me she wouldn't give up until she met my son. It hurt immensely that I was never able to make good on that promise. I never got to introduce them, but I know she's taking care of him in heaven. 

Shortly after that, my grandfather on my father's side passed away from cancer in the scalp. It just seemed like one crushing blow after another over that year. I went from never experiencing tragedy to having three gigantic losses in the same year. Like I never had a chance to recover. It just kept stacking on top of my shoulders and eventually I didn't know how to handle it anymore. I just became so emotionally numb. I felt like crying, but I just couldn't anymore. I didn't feel anything inside. It made me hate myself that I was unable to externalize the emotions I knew I should have. I bottled it up and didn't share my pain with others, not even my wife. I can advise you now, that isn't the right thing to do. I've recognized that now.

It's true what they say, you really have this sense of invincibility until something bad really does happen to you. I never thought I would be the one who loses their child. It made me so bitter with life and the world for awhile. That people who don't even want a child and treat their bodies so horribly through pregnancy, so often get a healthy child. Then there is my wife and I, who do everything the way we were told. Don't stand next to the microwave, no fish with mercury. Full-term, baby born, looks beautiful, gone in 5 days from breathing complications. You just want to scream that it isn't fair. Why does something so beautiful have to be taken when you've done nothing wrong? But that's how life goes. Impossible to predict.

The important thing is to remember that life goes on and there are always brighter things on the horizon. God has a plan for our lives and sometimes that plan has a few bumps. Tragedy precipitates growth. Life will always throw you curveballs. Learn how to knock them out of the park and win the game of life. My wife is now pregnant with our second child. I am beyond excited. While I'll never forget Madden and how much I loved and wanted him, I look forward to my turn to have a child and people be happy for me instead of feeling bad for me. There is so much I can't wait to do. Pass on my sparkling personality and laugh with him/her over an inside joke that mommy doesn't get. Play in the park, read to them, tuck them into bed. Kiss them and tell them how much I love them. I can't wait for the future. 

Baby Training Classes are Parent Training Classes

This weekend was packed with classes learning how to take care of a child and wifey when she is giving birth. I had SEVEN total hours of baby training classes over two days. My Saturday afternoon was filled with a FIVE HOUR "Birthing/Lamaze Class" and my Sunday was an "Infant CPR Class." Birthing Class was quite scary, watched an actual birth video (yikes!) and gathered all the need-to-know info for that special day. I may be able to just deliver this baby at home myself. I feel like I just got my Master's Degree in Child Delivery.

The CPR Class was a must-take. I almost died twice as a small child choking. My mother had to perform the Heimlich Maneuver twice to save my life. Luckily, she was successful and I blossomed into the magnificent specimen I am today. A specimen who never knows when to call it quits and keeps packing their mouth with chicken and not chewing until I self-suffocate. Thank the Lord for my wife to take over for mommy and remind me to chew. Everyone has flaws.

My wife and I would frequently share a nervous glance throughout the lecture/class. That day is now less than six weeks away! This will be the quickest six weeks of my entire life. It was definitely time to take these classes to prepare. I have to say, though, taking a five hour class on your Saturday afternoon just when it's starting to get to a temperature here that you can withstand longer than 10 minutes, is not a good idea. My ADD was flaring like my wife's nostrils when she has called me eight times because my food is getting cold. It's just an overload. So I strongly suggest taking the broken into two parts option. I'm just glad these classes were before football season kicks off because then my mind would definitely not have been there.

Wifey is understandably nervous terrified of the actual birth, especially after the class. They spoke about making small cuts, tearing, stretching, drawn-out pains, and all sorts of goodies. She was about to jump on my back like she saw a mouse. I am glad I am not a woman. I'll gladly take the fear of rejection of dating, financial obligation to pay during dates, and chance of prostate cancer over having my genitals torn every time I want to reproduce. The strength of a woman. I may be able to lift heavy things, but that is severely diminished by the ability to shoot a NFL regulation-sized football out of their body. My wife will never know of my intense admiration for her during the process because she doesn't read my blog. She'll let it go to her head anyway.

Newsflash: Wife Returns To Her Man Of Steel

Picked my wife up from the airport last night at around midnight. My she's grown. Stuffing my unborn son full of Korean barbeque and kimchi for a month straight. The amount of growth in just one month time is incredible. Hips widening, increasingly top heavy, 100% gorgeous. 

I asked if she missed me and she said she missed watching the Bachelorette. "Did you record it?" Great! Yes, I did record it and then I took an empty garbage can into the middle of the backyard and through my DVR in and poured lighter fluid and charcoal all over it and cooked it. Speaking of the Bachelor and Bachelorette, those shows puts unrealistic expectations on men. Hey, let's take a private jet over to Paris on a whim and have wine and a picnic at the top of the Eiffel Tower! Then we'll walk around in tuxedos and dresses every night drinking wine and feed each other grapes by draping them above our heads and dropping them in our mouth like we were Julius Caesar. That's not real life. Those are people with no jobs, children, or obligations given scenario dates that costs thousands of dollars by the producers of a television show. Those shows are no different than romance novels really. The producers only amp up the romanticism to make the people FEEL like they are in love, when it's all just superficial and manufactured. At the end of the day, you cannot artificially CREATE the emotional act of love. That's why the majority of winners never stay together.

Anyways, that all was just a joke. She said she missed me. Hesitantly as it may have been. She said that the baby is tossing and turning and does thing to "protest" her behavior. For example, if she doesn't wake up and move around he'll cross his arms and push his elbows into her stomach. Gosh, how freaky is that? When she told me that, I pictured the diner scene in the movie Spaceballs when the guy orders the soup and the alien breaks out of his stomach and starts doing a kick-line dance back to the kitchen. I think about weird things in addition to real estate. 

Home safe and sound! Website just days from completion! Posts should come more often as I push through this busy time of balancing active clients, building a website, taking care of my wife, and basically trying to be everything to everyone. Some would say I'm like Spiderman, Superman, Ironman, and Batman wrapped into one glorious Super Agent. Minus the vanity of it all, of course. 

Rounding Up Nicely...

Posts have been sporadic. Sorry about that. Hard at work on taking it to the next level on the ol' website, which should be launched early to mid June! Check back with the blog for the announcement!

Pregnancy Status Update: My wife is rounding up nicely. Never witnessed the growth of a pregnant woman first-hand. It's really quite amazing. The other day we got Subway. We had a coupon for buy one foot long, get one free. I ate the first half, paused and looked over at her to see she was into her second half already! She never eats more then six inches NOR does she eat six inches of sub faster than me! It was startling. 

The other day I was walking ahead of her down the stairs and for a split second I felt like Indiana Jones running from the giant ball in the cave. No, I'm kidding. I think my wife is so cute pregnant. I want her big and round because that is evidence of a healthy pregnancy. I want my son heavily padded just in case the element's strike. She needs to be prepared. She's like a big, round, upside down strawberry. I don't like some of the emotional reactions, but she looks attractive physically. She looks soft. I think it's because I know what she is harboring....the only hope of the future of the Matthews' name. It's like Saving Private Ryan except minus Matt Damon, World War II, Nazis, bombs, killing, snipers and everything else in the movie. So, basically just the premise of saving the last person that can continue the family name. Bad analogy I guess.

She claims our dog Valen, knows she is pregnant because she always sits and rests her paw on her pregnant belly. I just nod in agreement, but in my head I'm just thinking the dog likes to be at the highest point and has no clue she is pregnant. Dogs like to be up high because they feel like it is prime protecting position. Plus, Valen weighs 6 lbs. She is a small Yorkshire Terrier. It's more like she sees how big (and beautiful) you are getting and doesn't want you to roll over on top of her. So best avoidance position to be alerted of an impending roll-over is to lay on the object that will roll. But I'm sure she knows you're pregnant. Animals have a weird sixth sense like that.

Another thing I find myself doing throughout this pregnancy is constant catering. Hormones are things that obviously cannot be harnessed for good. They capture a woman and tell her to demand your husband go to Taco Bell at 11pm to get them a Salsa Roja Tortada. I've learned to shut my mouth, keep my head down, and go or "I don't care about the baby" or "Nice to know you choose sleep over your wife and son." 'Great. That's great. Here I go. Thanks for the guilt trip. Here I go, grabbing my pants, putting back in my contacts, getting in the car yawning and squinting. If I get in a car accident on the way, I hope you know it's your fault.' Best part is I do all that, I get back and she's asleep. Perfect. No, I do it with an open heart because she is going through SO much, it's the least I can do. I do it with an open heart or she does it with a closed fist. So, I do have a choice.