IT'S A BOY!!

Well the verdict is in. My wife and I will have a son! We had a 3D ultrasound performed and the little guy had his legs crossed and pretended to be a little bashful at first, but soon revealed himself. It's unbelievable that I could make something like that. I can now breath easy as I was my family's only hope for continuing the Matthews name. That is now secure. It's breath-taking seeing your child on the screen for the first time. The essence of life.

As noted in prior posts, my wife had been mentally prepared for a girl for 17 weeks, so she was a little disappointed at first. She is now warming up to the idea of having a little laborer boy. Both sexes are exciting, just different. They can like different things and even the same things. It doesn't have to be so clear-cut with the gender stereotypes. Of course I'm not letting her play Barbies with my son, but if he wants to join the ballet later in life, fine. I'll no doubt put a football or a basketball in his hands any chance I get, but I'm going to try my best not to discourage the chap.

I can't wait to take my son to open houses and teach him at a young age how to sell. Business man in the making from the time he could walk. I'm going to put him in a matching collared shirt and slacks and a little clip-on tie. When people come in, he'll say, "Welcome folks, this four bed, two and half bath 2,458 sqft. exquisite home is perfect for entertaining. It features a large island, walk up bar, and.....wait for it.....icing on the cake....a built-in wine chiller!" Then, when the customers leave, he'll sit back on the rug say "goo goo gah gah" and stack his ABC blocks. Pro-style. This will of course start when he's 3 years old because that's when pros are made. Tiger Woods didn't learn golf at 14 years old! He was introduced to golf before the age of two! I'm going to have to teach him the necessary vocabulary from a young age. His first word will most likely be, "Sold." I'll need to get him some cool clothes and some mini penny loafers! 

As you can tell I am very excited to have a boy. If it turned out it was a girl, I'd be fine with that too. I'd teach her how to say no to boys and wear baggy clothes from the day she's born. No, that's not fair. I'd take her to open houses too. You know why? Because Chris Matthews doesn't discriminate and any child he produces gets the 100% proven, Guide To Becoming Successful training program. Boy or girl, achieving the highest level of success will be pounded into their brains from the exiting of the womb. My wife will teach him Japanese by the time he is 3 years old, Korean before he reaches 5, Spanish before he is 7, Chinese before he is 9, and English by the the time he is 15. English is hard. He will be able to communicate with 75% of the world. Yes, he will be a polyglot (speaker of many languages), a neurosurgeon, and do some modeling in his free time, but he will know how to be humble. Matthews' don't brag or boast. We just state the obvious.

Countdown To The Verdict...

In roughly two weeks, around May 1st, the moment everyone has been waiting for will arrive. My wife and I will go to the doctor and have a 3D ultrasound performed and determine the sex of our first child. This is an enormous occasion that only happens a couple times in people's lives. The moment you find out if you're going to have a princess or a cowboy. 

It really makes no difference to me if I have a boy or a girl. All babies look exactly the same. Little Asian kids are the cutest and this is based on statistical research performed on an iPad. I feel that when I married a South Korean woman that I could defeat my family's ugly streak. If we ever had a family reunion people would think the circus freak show train derailed. Either that or they'd get a cowboy to wrangle us back into our cages. I felt that if I had to reproduce, I should take it upon myself to try to save the children and give them half of something beautiful. Everything I do is purposeful and selecting a Korean wife was the best shot I had for a future outside of a cage for my children. 

It would be nice to have a boy laborer to do the yard work and weed my yard which fosters weeds faster than lightning. I swear, I pull one out and two more grow in it's place overnight. Texas has a crazy weed problem. It's nuts! I really am much more open to having a girl now than I was. I am much more ambiguous and I view it as a blessing either way. I cared before, but now I'll be happy no matter what it is as long as he or she is healthy. My wife on the other hand, will literally freak out if a boy shows up on that screen. She has mentally prepared herself for 16 weeks now for a girl. If it's a boy, she won't know how to react.

We were both first-born children and she has a younger brother and I have a younger sister. She, of course, believes that a girl needs to come first to watch over the boy and guide him with wisdom to make the correct decisions. I believe what's needed is physical protection, so maybe a boy should come first. It's why the father gives away the daughter at the wedding. "Please take care of my princess and watch out for her." Women can be strong-willed, intelligent, and intuitive. However, most girl's aren't going to beat up a boy for being mean to her brother unless she looks like the girl in this picture. I'm going to send my daughter to school dressed in something like that everyday. For sure no boys are going to get any ideas. Except for ones who are obsessed with Transformers.....which is all of them. Dang it, no compromise!

Nevertheless, I know when the child comes out, my wife will love it instantly no matter what the sex. I just need to help her to see the positives of having a boy if it turns out that's the verdict. Positive one: free yard work in 3 years. His tiny little hands can get the deepest roots! Don't look at me like I'm a barbarian. You just wish you thought of it first.

Ultrasound = Ultrareal

See that? I made it. Three cheers for me! My wife and I had our first ultrasound a couple weeks ago and heard our unborn child's heartbeat for the first time. How intense is that? I think, like most men, it is kind of a surreal feeling when your wife first waves that pee-stick in your face and declares she's pregnant. For me, I thought to myself, "Wow, isn't that something. She's pregnant. I wonder when it happened? Is this going to be the end of my life? Are we not going to have spontaneous nights of passion or play Pogs until midnight anymore? I wonder what it'll look like. Asian kids are really cute. Oh, wouldn't twins be awesome? One boy. One girl. Half Asian kids. I hope they'll like Pogs."

That was my entire thought process in one second. Then she was like, "You can't tell anyone for 3 months until we are sure we won't have a miscarriage." I said that was fine and that I didn't want to tell everyone and then have to hear them all say sorry and feel bad for me should something happen. The next day, my wife, who is a teacher, is at school literally waving her urinated-on pregnancy test in the air exclaiming, "MY HUSBAND IS BOUND! I GOT HIM LOCKED DOWN FOR LIFE! HE HAS TO DO WHATEVER I SAY FOR NINE MONTHS AND IF HE DOESN'T I'LL SCREAM AT HIM AND BLAME THE HORMONES! HAHAHA!" No not really, but I think that's what women think at least once during their pregnancy. She was excited and couldn't hold it in. I don't blame her. We show excitement in different ways. She shows it by telling everyone and jumping up and down. I do it by scratching myself, watching Pawn Stars on the History Channel, and treating myself to Oreos and milk. 

Anyways, my point is that men and women may respond very differently to the news at first. My wife was a little panicked that I wasn't jumping around like crazy. I wasn't jumping around because our "trying" was exactly one time and she got pregnant. Jeez. "Just my luck," I thought to myself, but that didn't mean I wasn't excited. Like I said in the beginning, it was a surreal feeling and I didn't know how to react. In the same vein, I think it may sometimes play into how men are raised. Men are taught by society to show limited emotion. Women are exactly the opposite. You want me to leap around a screech with you? Ask society why not. I'd love to substitute my Business Weekly for an US Weekly once in awhile, but I guess that's life. I was surprised and happy, but I wasn't going to leap hand-in-hand with her making synchronized jumps. 

Weeks later when we heard the heart beat it suddenly became real. It was beating at like 170 beats per minute! It was a little flickering dot on the screen, but that moment is a crazy feeling. Never had I felt something like that. It was excitement, anxiety, anticipation, and a little panic all at once. I truly believe it will be a moment you can reminisce back to when your older and pin point it as one of the days where your life took a dramatic turn......but I'm still not doing synchronized jumps. Perish the thought.